Recital Reflections

(From 12/17/24) We just wrapped up another Winter Recital, and the event itself went very well. Everyone was prepared, relaxed, and seemed to enjoy both performing and watching. That’s a big win. I made an audio/video recording of this recital, which took a lot of effort, but I think it was worth it. And based on what I learned, I think the next one will be even better. Here’s a link to the video.

Unfortunately, I did make a few administrative errors. One, was that I left out a couple of students' names on the program. Both families were very gracious and understanding about it, which I appreciate very much. However, I really don’t want to put anyone through that again, and I’ve decided that I will make sure the program is finished several days before the recital, so I can send it out to everyone and we can all make sure everything looks good.

The other error I made was much more significant. I neglected to give the address to one of my newer students (whom I also never remembered to add to the email thread), and they thought it was at a different church. And because I was filming the recital with my phone, I didn’t get their text and calls until after the recital was over. This was a massive bummer, and I felt truly terrible. I sent them a video apology, but I can only imagine the disappointment of getting all ready for your recital and then not even knowing where to go, and missing it entirely. I lost a lot of sleep last weekend because of this.

First, of course I had to express my remorse. But after I did that, I still had a lot of guilt to work through. It brought up deep feelings of disappointment in myself, and even made me question whether or not I’m up to the task of doing a project this large. I talked to my parents, who (bless them) had driven from Santa Barbara to be there, and they shared with me the value they thought the recitals, and my work with my students each week, offers to so many people. They helped me remember that what I do is special, and worth fighting for. So I kept returning to myself, and trying to forgive myself 1,000 times for my mistake. Sunday night, as I lay awake in bed, I did this metta (lovingkindness) meditation, which helped a lot. And I started to remind myself that I want my life to be full of happiness, good health, and ease. And as much as I want that for my community, I am doing the best I can, and I will make mistakes. Mistakes are excellent opportunities for self-reflection and growth, but as I do that work, I also have to focus on my own self-care.

So I woke up Monday, and finally felt ready to make some changes to the administrative side of my teaching business. Firstly, at all future recitals, I will make sure someone is looking at my phone notifications before the recital starts, in case anyone needs anything. It takes me so much effort and attention to set up the recital, that it shouldn’t be me, but if anyone reading this feels up to this task, please let me know. Thank you in advance! Second, I will be using MailChimp instead of Gmail for group emails, as it’s easier to maintain lists and stay organized. I’m also going to start a weekly (or bi-monthly) newsletter including things I’ve been learning or exploring throughout the week. I’m really excited for this! Of course, there’s no expectation that you read them, but if you find the time, I would love interactions and feedback. I’m hoping this will help me stay better connected to everyone, and avoid similar mistakes in the future.

Finally, I’m going to start going by Nico professionally. I’ve been introducing myself as Nico socially for some time now, but it’s just taken longer for my professional life to follow. My new email address will be nico.rattray@gmail.com, but my old email address will still work. I will gladly still respond to Nick, so please don’t stress about that. I just feel a little happier with the name Nico, like it better reflects the person I am inside. (I am still using he/him pronouns.) Thank you for your support and understanding!